SHES A MANEATER."Everyone told me that I would be over it, that it happens to everyone and they all turn out fine.
Well i may be "over" it but I am no where near the person I was or thought I would be. While it has only been 8 short months (and by short i mean lonely and painful) there isn't much that has changed in my eyes. I still see the same sickened smile in the mirror, the same mask. Someone told me that I needed to find someone I liked even more, and that would do the trick, so I tried. There wasn't one person that didn't remind me of it. I would always be happy at first. The shivers and butterflies all came back, the blushing, the laughter, the hope... I guess that's what lust really is. But it would only satisfy me for times short lived, and I had to end it; every time I had to end it. And now here I am, whatever I may be. But the best part is, I lost it myself and I ruined it, for both of us.
For both of us... HE will never feel the same again, never open up again, never have true love again, never be whole again. I'm not trying to be conceited, he really won't. Everything he felt, every time he cried, all the lost sleep, the pain, that was all me. It sickens me to think that I could have done this to some one I loved. He simply tries to find the next best thing, and replace it all, but she will never be what I was to him. I was his everything.
Every corny love song, movie cliches, love poems, they were all us. It was the happiest I have ever been, and the happiest he's ever been."
So my question is, will she ever be happy again, or will she always be a man eater?
AT THE TIP OF MY TONGUE, IS THE PRICE YOU WEREN'T WILLING TO PAY.Can any of you HONESTLY say you that are real? Have you ever lied, cheated, back-stabbed or hurt someone you said you wouldn't.. couldn't? Oh, and the fact that half of you just answered no, makes you even more fake. At least I am going to truthfully say right now that I am not the person all of you think me to be. I probably put on a face to every single one of you at one point or another. Big or little, I have lied and god knows I will continue to. I am fake, to almost all but myself.
"Are you like a painting of a sorrow, a face with out a heart?"
Keep putting on that mask, but I know you better than you think.
GIVING UP IS THE HARDEST PART.God, just thinking about it makes me sick. Never once did I ever think I would be where I am now, emotionally I mean. I just want to run away. Get away from everything and everyone here. If it were simple to leave it all, I would in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, that one thing will always keep me there, stuck and broken. There is only one more thing that could be done to completely ruin you, and that's leaving, so... I can't and I won't. Nothing is going right with school, home, friends, love and moving on. It's like I'm lost in a huge maze (labyrinth if you will ;]) that I can never get out of. Just more turns and conflicts, never a solution or way out. So I keep searching, and praying to find that exit. To either wake up from this nightmare, or to forever have sweet dreams.
"To die, to sleep;
To sleep; perchance to dream...
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come"
Oh man, I can't wait for the day to come sometimes.
WINGS.I need some.
SMOKE AND MIRRORS.So, the truth comes out... apparently.
You say I've changed, you don't know who I am anymore, you don't approve of my choices and I'm better than this. I'm sorry you feel that way, but better than WHAT exactly? I'll tell you what I believe I'm better than; I'm better than your views, I'm better than this place, I'm better than these people, I'm better than this pain, I'm better than waiting, I'm better than wanting. I am going to get exactly where I need to be. With out any ones help. I hope you are pleased with the life your choosing for yourself. Have fun in that bubble, while I break mine. You will never know what I know, see what I will and have seen or be who I am. No, I'm not insulting you, there is nothing wrong with your life per-say, but don't pretend to be someone that your not. I know your not, and its a shame the world doesn't know human kind better. Maybe one day everyone will see that there is more to the usual guidelines to life and more people will try something different. I've cleared the smoke, and broke the mirrors. Now, it's your turn.
"This journey of ours never ends
We will always pretend
Fighting not to let them win
And they’re falling into our illusion"
